I knew this would happen: as soon as I announced publicly that I am purposing to slow down and notice, I would be tested on every side to do just that. This morning as I was stealing 10 minutes for a shower before The Man left for work, I cringed as one of my children stood at the bathroom door, wailing for me to come out.
As I was cleaning the shower with a Q-tip to avoid the inevitable, I wondered in my head Okay. Where is it? Where is the celebration in this? Because it's easy to notice the small and lovely things when I'm alone and rested and clean and happy. But when there is a whole day looming ahead and no clean clothes and three children with runny noses?
Things just have to get done. Not to mention the fact that Christmas is three weeks from Thursday.
The day has continued just as it began: if it isn't a child crying for my attention, then it is the laundry or the fort-covered living room or the Jesse tree ornaments that I still haven't made/found/bought.
It's hard to be present when my present seems so imperfect. Today I purposed to notice the little things. But instead of reveling in the hidden blessings, I tripped over the obvious tasks. Instead of being present, I caught myself in a dazed stupor countless times, overwhelmed with the running list in my head.
I think the fact that it is a struggle highlights how important it is to slow down and celebrate smallness. I am thankful for this quiet moment, to know and receive truth. The day was far from perfect. But His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is great.
Has anyone else had trouble celebrating what is in the midst of anticipating what is to come?
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
testing
Todays topic:
a mother
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34 comments:
Yes, sometimes it's so hard when we get caught up in the thick of thin things. I told my family this year that Thanksgiving just isn't any fun for me. For a person who doesn't really care to cook it's just a tedious chore that never ends all day. The endless dishes, baking, and cooking in general. Yes, I get help with things but the burden is still on me. It carries over to Christmas too but I try very hard to remember what it's all about. You have three little kids and my four kids are pretty well grown (ages 15-23) so it's a lot harder for you. You have so much that has to be done and I know you feel so unappreciated. I've been there, sometimes still am but you're doing a very important work raising these kids into the good responsible, caring people they will be some day. God knows your heart. Keep trying, you're doing better than you think!! P.S. I really love visiting your blog even if I don't often comment. Cindy
You're completely reading my mind. I've been so caught up these past few days preparing for a week long trip out of town starting Friday. I feel like I've been in a tizzy and God has almost hit me over the head more than once to stop and take notice of the wonder my son has in this season. It's funny how I can't immediately remember the to do list in my head. Instead I remember talking with a 2 year old about a manger yesterday, laying under the Christmas tree this afternoon staring at the lights, and listening to his "tect" (protect) prayer before bedtime tonight. I am thankful for the smallness, but great importance of these moments.
-Hayley
For some reason this has been a crazy start to December...I am not sure why..hang in there..try to keep the "joy" in all we do even if the tree doesn't get up!
-sandy toes
wow thank you for your honest posts. this was very timely.
lifeis so crazy when you are a young mom trying to do what is best for your family.
Hey Emily! Yes, I'm feeling that too. And it doesn't help that I've got a miserable cold. I do think it helps me declutter my brain to get those mental lists down on paper. And I've been using the flylady methods of 15 minutes on chores, that helps, too.
If I'm desperate for a midday break, I set my kids up in their room(s) with a little snack and a sippy cup and tell them it's roomtime and they have to stay in there until I come back. One of the kids' doors has a lock on the outside because the house settled and otherwise it won't stay shut... so sometimes I just lock 'em in :) If they're set up with everything they need, they don't mind. And I can hear everything anyway since it's such a tiny house.
Here's to a better tomorrow!!
You write honestly, and it is so refreshing, because I can relate. Often times I find myself thinking about how I want things to be (or how I think they should be) and rarely does my reality line up with my expectations. Sometimes I wish I could just turn that part of my thinking off, or lower the noise so that I can comfortably be in the moment.
It was a bit of a rough morning. A dumb (in my opinion) and inefficient (in my opinion) meeting at work before I'd managed to scarf down any breakfast. :( Tonight though I spent 4 solid hours with a friend I've had since high school talking about marriage and family, our expectations, giving up trying to be like others and just be us (whoever that is), etc. I told her about your being here post and for just a moment was really able to take in the fact that we were sitting there and the air felt tingly-er and the light warmer.
God, I pray that you help Emily's day to be a bit smoother tomorrow. I pray that you will help her to notice and celebrate the moments. Give her your strength to do so, please Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Kelly
You can't measure how encouraging a post like this can be. It's so easy to read a post like your previous one when you're stuck in the day to day muck and mire and think, "easy for her to write." When it's followed by this kind of vulnerability it truly inspires the nay-sayer to recognize that you're one who does understand and still desires to find the holiness in the mundane, and maybe they can too. I pray that it's easier tomorrow, and even if it isn't, I pray that God would give you peace in the midst of everything else.
As far as Jesse Tree. Keep it simple. Just print out the free ornaments and free Advent reflections at this link: http://www.eriercd.org/jessetree.htm. It's worth doing! Leading your children to God's Word in this season is one of the best things you can be doing.
Remember in Christ all things are possible. Fix your eyes on Him and be deliberate, and intentional about finding joy. His mercies are new every morning, rest in that.
Grace and Peace,
Angel
Oh, gosh. So sorry you're feeling that way, but you are definitely not alone. I have found that it helps to really scale back my expectations on those kinds of days, too. Hugs to you!!
One of those days. It is late, should be in bed. I am sitting at the computer, just now my husband walked by and says, "are you STILL wearing your gym clothes?" I know full well he has eyes and can see that I am INDEED still wearing my gym clothes (I went to the gym at 2:00pm today) but the day has ran away from me, too much to do. So I snapped at him. Not needed, but one of those days.
"its hard to be present when my present seems so imperfect."
brilliant.
Thinking of you tonight Emily...praying peace for you in the journey through the holidays, motherhood, and LIFE! Thanks for sharing your insights and heart with us.
Oh yes! Sometimes I feel that by the time I'm ready for the holidays to start, they're almost over. I've been so busy prepping that I don't enjoy it.
reading this sucked all the wind out of my body.
i didn't even realize I had gotten trapped in that again- that thinking of what's next instead of enjoying what's now.
thanks, amiga. apparently, i needed that.
I am sooooo THERE with you! You summed it up perfectly with the "what is in the midst of what's coming next."
I'm going to break into the blogging world myself in the new year and I already have a title. "More Mary, Less Martha." I've had this as my cell phone banner for over a year but I feel like I need to tattoo it on my hand.
I get so caught up in my to do list. "I have to get this done and then I will relax. read a book to my kids. cook WITH my kids. play on the floor WITH my kids." I have very few memories of my mom playing WITH us or anything. I don't want that for my kids so...
I'm trying to be more intentional with my time with them but it's so hard b/c I DO have a hard time relaxing amongst the clutter and with 4 kids we've always got clutter. Not to mention the dog or me! or my husband, though he's fairly neat.
Anyway, pushing through with you...
Jennifer
I'm with Tina...I love that line. And yes, it is hard right now for me to stop and notice. Mostly because I'm fighting a ghastly head cold and I just want to crawl in bed, pull up the covers and notice absolutely nothing.
Thanks for the reminder that His mercies are new and to continue fighting for the wonder.
I don't personally know you, but I count you as a blessing! Thanks for taking time to write honestly and from your heart. It really does mean something to someone :).
This was much needed today, I'm babysitting, dropping off, picking up, waiting, feeding, cleaning & also trying to be connected to my babies today. I'm going to try to slow down a touch...
I have had a really hard time getting into the season this year. SO many changes, youngest daughter away at college so we can't do all our traditional family things all together. It leaves me feeling stalled. I just have to put my head down and do it. I plan to simplify a bit this year, things have to change, but I also need to just carry on and hope the joy catches up with me.
I am celebrating in this warm, flavored coffee, and my small moments of quiet time before the kiddos all wake up...oh, and celebrating friends that I haven't seen in FOREVER!!
Hey there!
Already behind on the Jesse Tree. Hoping to catch up today (couldn't find where I stashed the ornament). Camera is dead - "look at all the great shots, I mean memories, I'm missing". Trying to remember the true spirit of the season instead of how I think they should be or how I expect them to be (expectations are usually my downfall).
Thanks for your honesty and the gentle reminders to be still.
BTW - trying to think of a name for Monday, but keep going back to Sunny's "Show Stoppers".
I like it when you write this stuff.
One thing to say... Have you set up residence in my mind?
I can so completely relate to this. And thanks for your honesty. It's good to be reminded that we do not have to be, nor are we expected to be, a perfect mother or wife or even a perfect woman. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. He just expects us to seek Him with our hearts and yield to His desire to mold us into the individuals we are meant to be in Him.
I'm with you sister. I know I'm "building cathedrals" but sometimes my own cathedral is pretty empty. I know I miss things along the way and it makes me sad. I feel like I'm always saying "when (this) happens we'll be (this)" instead of enjoying each and every moment. I'm working on it...
Your post struck a chord with me. My husband lost his job this summer and still has not found something worthwhile. The economy stinks and so many people are suffering. For the first time in nine years I have to get a job. I'm bitter even when I know I shouldn't be. I'm constantly trying to remind myself that things could be sooo much worse. Most importantly, we have our health. With the holidays looming I find myself doing more and more of that reminding but find myself slipping more and more into the funk. I know that this too shall pass and that's what I'm hangin onto for now. Stay strong and keep your faith! It will take you far♥
Check out my blog. That is all I have been writing about, slowing down, creating balance, being truly happy for the right reasons, etc.
It is so hard not to get caught up in all the other "stuff" but it can be done...especially through prayer.
ginny
i didn't read ALL the comments. but it seems like you're not alone - we're right there with you! i've been posting about this for days...just feeling overwhelmed and knowing His peace is THERE, just not being able to get to it. anyways, you're doing great. you're not alone. and just take it minute by minute. that's all we can do. are you looking at Him this minute???
That what is vs. the what is to come is a rough road for me. I am almost always focused on the what is to come, rather than being in the moment God put me in, whether I think it's exciting or not.
I am also behind on my Jesse tree ornaments...made a sun today for yesterday's devotion!
I have been following your blog for a few weeks now, but this blog has moved me to finally speak up and say HI! I am definitely in that mommy haze with you! I think you would understand the point I try to make to countless others...I think I am going crazy, the kids can drive me up a wall with the inaneness of their prattle, I have 9million house chores to do...on and on and on. But in the same breath I utter..."I totally LOVE my life, and wouldn't change it for the world!" I get very strange looks. I try to remember in those "losing it moments" that I should cherish the moment no matter how big or small, how happy or frustrating, because they will all (too soon) be past. I remember (faintly) the days of newborn cries, a baby not wanting to be put down, pacifiers, etc...and IN those days, I thought..UGH. But now, my babies are 2 and 5, and I'd love to hear a newborn cry in our house and snuggle those precious newborn eyes and bodies all over again.
Kelli Linkis <><<
Here is the key to a more peaceful Christmas season....
start getting ready for it the day after Halloween!
If I wait until Thanksgiving weekend to decorate, shop, cook, party, AND do the normal everyday tasks, I will never enjoy December. I would have to cram 2 months of work into 3 weeks. So I know everyone thinks I'm crazy...but I pull it all out Halloween weekend and the shopping is almost done by Thanksgiving.
But I haven't always been this on the ball. But it has made a huge difference for us!
Oh my goodness, you speaking to me Emily! Today, I was crabby mommy of the loose. It was bad. I had to apologize...more than once to my poor family!
Praise God for new mercies!
Love you!
Hi new friend! I'm a new blogger, and you sound like you are trying to hang tight to the very things that I have been trying to keep focus on recently! I've found that sometimes I can slow things down and simplify, but other times, I just have to take a deep breath, and realize that God doesn't only want me to be able to appreciate life's precious moments in the still, quiet, and simple times. This phase of my life is mostly built around kids that never stop needing things, etc., so I think that we must need to also learn to laugh and capture the treasure in the wild, crazy, and often frustrating days that we find ourselves in the middle of! I'm need to remind myself of this pretty often!
I SO needed this post today, Emily! I find myself being challenged in every area of my life right now. I feel like I am on the verge of failure and have committed myself to slowing down and taking notice! Thanks for your words, they are encouraging to me!
This post is so up my alley. All I can say is amen. I live this same thing every day and it is *SO* refreshing to hear someone tell the truth about motherhood. This post rocks so much I am linking over to it from my blog....
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