When, exactly, did play become work?
I remember playing with Barbies in the summertime for entire days, stopping only to eat and use the bathroom. Our Barbies would go through high school, fall in love, get married and have babies all in the course of one long, Indiana summer day. We picked wardrobes. We placed furniture. We had multiple "houses" rigged up in our room. When the day was over and it was time to go to bed, we would wake up the next morning and start again.
I have been playing house with my kids for the last 45 minutes. And I think I'm going to die. Like, DIE of tiredness. I am always the mommy. Always. I try to convince them to let me be the dog, but they won't allow it anymore ever since that time I curled up in the corner and took a nap. I tried to tell them I was an old dog. They didn't buy it.
I have also tried to be the baby. The sick baby who needs lots of rest. They don't let me be the baby anymore, either.
Chickadee from A Familiar Path once wrote about how she loves to listen to her kids play. She just doesn't always love joining in. That is exactly how I feel. I could listen to their dramatic and relational stories all day; their voices a simple melody chirping in the background while I sweep. But sometimes they are discontent being my background music. They want me to be the lead singer.
I have to force myself to sit down and play. I have to force myself to interact. Sometimes its fun, sometimes its work, but one thing is certain: I never regret it.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
when play becomes work
Todays topic:
a mother
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40 comments:
I echo your feelings but they will not forget it!!! hey, being the baby is always good..you can lay down..and may even be able to fall asleep!
-sandy toes
oh girl, i know exactly how you feel. you know what i like to play, beauty shop where they do my hair and massage my feet and i lay back and relax then pay them fake money. now that's fun.
i also like to play doctor where i'm the patient and i get to lay in the bed while they do things to take care of me.
you've got to reinvent the game! barbies is just too hard. that's why we finally quit playing.
Good for you that you even try. I'm a bad player. But then, my Mom never played much with us either. She kicked in big time when I was a preteen needing to cry my eyes out (like every day). She was a good mom. Anyway, don't beat yourself up. You sound like great mom.
Isn't that the truth! I am always amazed at how sweet my little boy is after I play with him though and like ya said so beautifully...I never regret it!
I only have one child right now (another on the way). I can't WAIT until the days I am not the ONLY playmate. You can't rest at all when you are the Mom, Dog, and the baby.
P.S. My sister is Amara a few up in comments, my Mom had 6 kids so we HAD buil in playmates.
I feel your pain!
Thanks for this post Emily!
I have had the hardest time "talking" as "Whistle Wishes" or kitties and puppies as our daughter wants to play "My Little Ponies" or "Pet Shops!" :-)
As you said, you never regret the time spent together, but after about 15 min. I am thinking of all the things I should be doing...sometimes I just set a limit in my head of about a half hour and truly be "in the moment" during that time, then I don't feel guilty when it is time to do the dishes, fold laundry, etc...
Also, schedule regular play dates with other kiddos and then an instant "talking" partner becomes available and they can play house together for hours!
On a different note, our 13 year old has been doing, "Good Deeds and Kind Gestures" for a week to earn the right for me to drive him to the game store for the midnight release of a favorite computer game TONIGHT! He has been counting down all night now since Youth Group...I am considering myself a die hard mother staying up until midnight tonight...and on a school night no less...it's 11:15 p.m. so we'll be leaving in a few minutes...
We mothers are all in this together!
Until next time,
Denise in Colorado :-)
P.S. If you feel like stopping by our blog you can read some recent motherhood posts you may get a kick out of...we are all truly more alike than different in our motherhood journeys!
Oh, how I remember those days. Now that my "babies" are grown, I find myself missing those days. You are right--you'll never regret it.
Blessings!
Anja is my little shadow right now, following me around the house with her baby and its bottle, holding a ball and saying "Baw, baw" until I play catch with her. I sometimes grow weary of the boring play, but I will try to keep in mind what you said today--it is truly these things I will never regret.
I feel ya! My boys have this amazing imagination, except with cars and trucks! They want me to play and I run out of dialogue (they are talking cars) in like 2 seconds! And then I want to nap!
For children, their play is their work... it is how they learn.
Yesterday I played Memory with my 2-year-old, according to his rules. It was fun to watch his little face. I should play with my boys more often.
Good Mommy! Playing with my kids and their toys was never something I enjoyed when they were little, but they loved it. Playing Legos with my son was easier than all that girl stuff, but even that was hard at times. But...it dawned on me when I read your post that a couple of years ago my 16 year old son packed up all his Legos and put them in the basement to keep for his children. He was a die hard Lego player and I was sure he would be playing forever, but that was only a mommy dream. Today I'd give just about anything to have one of those Lego playing afternoons back, but that will never be again.
Keep playing, Mom, even if you don't get to be the tird old dog or the sick kid. You get to be the Mom. Be glad they still want you to be that! Smile.
You have written my sentiments exactly, only the redhead doesn't have another sib to play with now. Maybe I'll have twins next time so there will be lots of children to play with. Hmmmm. I never regret the time I spent playing with my boy, but my house has been sorely neglected lately as he's at the age where he likes to play together and I'm constantly needed. Its a fine line between giving quality time and letting them know there are also things that a mom needs to get done.
Oh, I so completely know what you're talking about here!
Since I have an only child, I am the only one he has to play with. I completely understand wanting to be the old sick dog. Except there are no old sick dogs in NASCAR.
You must be in my head. I feel like that often! I love seeing my son's face light up when I agree to play in his room, but it does get boring after a while and I start thinking of what else needs to be done...in the house, with the dogs, dinner...etc. I try to go in intervals, 15 minutes playing, 15 minutes working. That seems to keep him satisfied which makes me regret the 15 minutes working less. It's a complete balancing act every day. Thanks for posting on this!
-Hayley
Hi Emily,
I can't WAIT until 1:00 to let our little ones play while you and I CHAT! Woo-hoo! I won't even mind if they jump on the trampoline in the rain. :)See you soon.
Ah, yes, Emily. I concur 100% with your (always) beautiful way of weaving my unspoken feelings into print! I appreciate your commmentors/ers??? who even admit to feeling a little sleepy each time they climb down onto the floor to play with the little people in the house (human and toy...). I've always thought it was just me and my Pavolovian self who seemed to associate Fisher Price with my naptime...
Emily,
I laughed so HARD when I read this post. My husband asked what was so funny, so I read it to him as well.
As a Mom with young children I can really relate to your story.
Thanks for writing!
THANK YOU for writing this. I always feel so guilty for not wanting to take the time to sit and play. I need to slow down and make myself do it.
wow! you're good! my barbie threshold is about...10 minutes.
You are too funny, but we are all right there with you, except not at 1:00 when you're playing with Jill ( I won't tell Emma...hee hee).
We try and remind ourselves that in a few years they won't want to play with us anymore and then we will be so sad, but for now it can just be.....work!
Mine are all just getting to the age where they don't really "need" me to play much any more, and every once in a while, I am sad...once in awhile.
Trust me....I've got to get you the My Little Pony set and you will have one uninterrupted play day.
I love this post! My oldest absolutely loved dolls and throwing "cocoa" parties, instead of tea parties. We would have the parties with her older brother and many of her stuffed animals or dolls. She always wanted to be a mommy and now she just became one! These days can be so tiring, but oh so rewarding!
I avoid, whenever possible, playing with my kids. It's something I start but can't finish, so rather than get their hopes up, I deny them the pleasure. Maybe I'll teach them how to not write run-on sentences instead.
My thoughts exactly! I have such a hard time playing and it's not for lack of imagination, it's just sooo boring; I think I yawn between every word. However, I love to eavesdrop and hear their busy minds at work- it's great.
~Rachel
Thank you for saying this. I've always wanted to be a mom. It has been the one thing in the world that I knew for sure. But now that I am the mom to one absolutely great three-year-old, I find myself feeling so guilty because staying home with him full-time can make me feel incredibly bored. Oh! The guilt of writing that!!! I just cannot seem to come to terms with the fact that playing three-year-old games is not always fun at the age of 37. Like you, however, when I do pretend to eat pineapple sandwiches from his play kitchen or dance to Yo Gabba Gabba songs, I can't help but feel a sense of pleasure knowing that I'm making him happy. Tricia
I just took a break from playing Star Wars for and endless 30 min...that felt like 2 hours! Funny thing is most of the SW stuff was my brothers so I was remembering playing with it with him. My 4 year old told me I don't do the gun noises or fly the ships very good. So, I was thinking at that moment how easier it would be to be playing barbies! So funny that when I was done I read your blog!!!
Girl, you are seriously freaking me out a little bit. I am an Indiana girl, myself. I played Barbie's all day long, day after day. They had names and personalities, snazzy homes and perfect little lives. It was a blast, and I don't think I stopped until I was like 13 or something. Thank God you exist. I might be half normal after all. Tee-hee!
I know I'm repeating myself, but I love your blog. I love that when I come here I can meet up with another mommy of young kids who it too tired to play & can admit it. I love that your hubby works away from home often like mine does, I love it that you don't care to have impress & you feel things honestly. Hope somehow I didn't make you feel bad about all this honesty, 'cause I honetly need to hear that I am not the only one! And, that I shouldn't feel bad about the way I feel to begin with!
You sound like a sweet mama and I'm glad you are being real. So many moms act like they just love playing and being with their children 24/7 but I'm sure there are times when you do just want to get your stuff done and them be playing on their own.
I am SO not good at playing with my kids... they don't even ask me to play with them :( My daughter makes puppet shows and plays and we come watch in her room, but no tea parties, no lego castles, no pretend play. My mom didn't play with me either, maybe that what happened? Or my kids are loners like me and like to play alone?? - I had imaginary friends, played Barbies in my closet till I was WAY too old and then moved on to diaries and secret clubs... I hope my kids aren't longing for me to interact more - maybe I shouold force myself upon their playtime and see what happens!
I have teenagers now...they don't want me to play :-). But I do remember the days. My oldest was way into Thomas the Train and we spent hours on the floor moving trains along the track and making our choo choo noises. I would get so tired and want to curl up and take a nap. Now, it is the sweetest memory and I miss his quiet little choo choo sounds. Just enjoy. :-)
Ditto.
Play became work when our real lives started to exhaust us. I was "fun Aunt Girly Stuff" before I had my own kids. Now I am...tired.
we used to spend days playing Barbies when we were little too. Only we had a third sister and we would relegate her to the other side of the room with her Barbies and would occassionaly invite them over for dinner. Not sure why, that's just how it was and she never lets us forget it! :)
I agree by the way, listening to their play is much more fun than actually participating, AND anytime spent with my kids on their level is never regretted
fun post!
Your post made me laugh out loud. I love your writing. Very eloquent, yet personal and hilarious and heart felt. Keep it up!
I completely agree about the playing though. I would much rather it be background music on any given day. Or how about a game where mommy gets her back scratched or rubbed for hours on end?? Isn't there a game like that??
~audrey
oh my gosh- i thought i was the only one who ever played the "sick baby" just so i could lie down... i love you!
I'm right there with you! So glad to hear I'm not alone in not wanting to play! AND so right about not ever regeretting when I do! So why don't I??
Hi. I read your blog quite a bit but usually don't comment. But when I saw you mentioned "Indiana summer" I just had to see if you would answer where; I live in Indiana and was just curious.
Thanks!
Diane
alainasmom@homerco.net
what a great thing to write about! thanks. kelly
At least they let you be the mom. My girls tell me that I'm the Grandma so they can be the Mommy and have babies.
Nothing like kids to make me feel old!
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