Ever find yourself wishing you could eat a really big lunch and then not have to make dinner? Better yet, let's make our huge breakfast be the only meal we have to eat all day. I do that sometimes, when it's just me. I've yet to convince the rest of the fam what a good plan it is.
Don't get me wrong. I really do like to eat. And I like to cook, too. I just don't like to HAVE to eat. Or cook. It would be so much better if, on those days when we are tired and unmotivated, we could just eat once and have it last.
But we can't. That's just not how it works.
Sometimes I think the same way about time with the Lord. I wish on an exhausting, no-good day, I could pull out a 2 hour bible study I had back in '98. Like a quiet-time filing cabinet that was stocked before I had kids. But that is me trying to be all checklist-y, as if time with the Lord were equivalent to cutting the tomato and roasting the chicken (as if I ever roast a chicken).
In my head, I used to be really great. That is, before I had kids. Even better before I got married. I was patient, sweet, organized and practically perfect in every way. I remember being so depressed those first few months of marriage. Who is this crazy, emotional, needy woman and what did she do with patient, sweet, amazing me? And I was sure my new husband was thinking the same thing. Until I realized there was really never such a thing as patient, sweet me and I had certainly never been amazing. At least not in the way I thought. It's just now that I was married, there was someone always there to reflect the reality of my lack.
And to graciously remind me of my need for a Savior without saying a word. No more hiding. No more faking it.
And so, after a few more years of life under my belt, time with the Lord is looking different now than it used to. I think it is messy, desperate, sweet, frustrating. And sometimes it is dry, quiet, non-existent. But it is more real than it used to be. He is more real than He use to be. And that can't be pulled out of a filing cabinet.
*sigh* Now I gotta go make dinner.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
my daily bread
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16 comments:
i hear you. i even wish we could eat the same thing every day. like manna and everyone would be happy.
i eat my breakfast around noon and then supper when my husband gets home and usually a snack before bed.
and time with the lord, often in the shower or bathtub. the quiet places.
You know, daily life dries me up spiritually. Quiet time is non-existent and keeping Sunday as a day of rest. HA!! The last few weeks have been interesting, though. The Lord has given me little signs that He's quietly waiting. You're post is one of those little signs. I love it when He does that. Like someone handing me a cup of water during a marathon. NOT that I've ever run a marathon and would know what that's like. Okay, and I agree about the eating thing. I feel that way about showering. It's such a hassle!! Don't worry...I haven't sworn it off or anything. It's just a pain.
Hi, I found your blog through Mrs. Wilt at "The Sparrow's Nest." I have enjoyed reading your blog, and your sister's as well!
I think every mom can relate to this post! I have 6 children ranging in age from 18 to 2. It is hard to find "quiet" anything in our house let alone time with the Lord. Be assured that He is delighted with you. I often stick a verse up on the fridge and try to think about it, memorize it etc, as I pass by it a million times a day!
Oh and just wait until your children get older. You can teach them to cook, and then they can have fun making meals!
Thanks for the reminder. I'm forever trying to feed myself spiritually first, then everything else seems to just fall into place--but I agree some days they fall into place better than others. I guess what's important is that we just don't give up.
And how can you not like to eat :)?!
AMEN sister!
and as heather said..."talk about a sign".
Well said! Having more people depending on us brings out our selfishness...and allows us to grow! Thanks for the post!
~Dana
I think finding the time to pour it all out to the Lord is important, but it often finds its way to the backburner (cooking pun intended). Maybe you can decide that everytime you chop that tomato you can give thanks for something. Every time you load the washer, give time for a prayer need.
I think the Lord has really given me things to dwell on lately and I have been blessed with an abundance of His spirit. You've seen my posts; He really has touched my heart lately.
We must get together and not cook dinner ;)
She sure does speak!
you know, when i called you this morning it was to talk about this very thing. so, thanks for already having called me back to chat about it - i just didn't know the conversation was already written. an encouragement as always, friend.
and yes, that does say 2:28am. i have serious problems. ;)
You know what has been really great for my quiet time? The writer's strike! There is never anything new on tv so my husband and I turn it off and talk or read. Now I get all those people who don't watch tv!
I agree...time in the Word is much different now that I have a baby. Not less, but different. It applies differently, too.
Miss (Chatty) Em-
Thanks so much for the cute comment on my blog. I loved it!
You are too cute, and your blog is awesome!
I love these thoughts. I am so glad you found my blog so that I could in return find yours! Thank you for the blessing of your thoughts, I needed them today in the midst of my messy highschool tests to write and my insane living patterns in this opposite-land place.
It's me again. Your new stalker friend. I've actually re-read this post 3 times. I've been looking for something else you wrote about being WEARY. Do you know what I'm talking about? If so, send me the link...
I have been feeling drained, like my battery isn't getting fully recharged. More than not getting enough sleep at night. Something deep in my heart is just weary of the day to day. I think back to 10 years ago with fondness and blurry memories. What a fantastic life that used to be! I slept, I kept my own schedule, I didn't fight with anyone and kept all other unpleasant moods at bay. Unfortunately, my need for a Savior, my need for constant attitute check becomes so very clear when placed in a family with young children. This is the place I've longed to be for 10 years, with my own little family. I had no idea it would be this hard.
well, so much for a comment. I should just blog about this on my own space instead of yours! Thanks for letting me read your thoughts.
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