Ever feel like a really bad mom? I'm not talking jail time or anything. Just that feeling like there is a Good Mom somewhere out there who would never do or be what I do...or am.
Good Mom makes breakfast and smiles a lot. Good Mom always remembers to notice, compliment, and encourage. She is fun and funny. She plays polly pockets with pleasure and even makes suggestions for pretend scenarios to make the play go longer. Her patience is limitless and she never raises her voice. She wakes up early every morning and spends time with Jesus. She is consistent and kind. She makes cookies from scratch. She plays outside even when its really hot. She builds forts with blankets in the living room. Her house is always clean, her produce is always fresh and she has a garden with flowers and vegetables. She can sing. She makes puppets out of socks. Her kids never watch tv because they are totally satisfied to listen to the riveting, captivating stories that their Good Mom makes up. Every night.
Full disclosure time. I haven't worn underwear in 2 days. Not because I just like to not wear underwear but because I haven't any that are clean. I haven't worn matching socks in 3 years. I pulled out 9 individual socks from my drawer the other day. Nine. All different. My one year old is in danger of being kicked out of the nursery at church. He bites. One of my 3 year olds has a really bad habit of talking back. A lot. Neither of my girls will let daddy help them brush their teeth without throwing a fit. It HAS to be mommy. I have had the same butter knife in my dishwasher for 2 weeks. Some unidentifiable food is stuck to one side. It's just too much to wash it by hand. My car has ants. Too many Chick-fil-a french fries.
I am distracted, discouraged, and maybe a bit lonely. I am in desperate need...mainly for patience...a patience that seems just out of my grasp, impossible to acheive. All things I don't like to admit, especially on a forum like this. And so I sat tonight. With an intention to just "be still and know that He is God". I opened my Beth Moore bible study book (the study that I quit 2 weeks ago because I couldn't finish a weeks worth of study in a week and I didn't have a sitter for my kids anyway.) And there it was, 1 Timothy 1:16. And this is what He said to me:
Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I'm proof...of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off--evidence of his endless patience--to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever.My children are "right on the edge of trusting him forever". And by His Holy Spirit, He wants to display His unlimited, endless patience in me as an example for them. I don't know how He does it. But I do know this--that maybe instead of trying to be more like Good Mom, I could begin to let Jesus be Jesus in me.
Meanwhile, I'm going to find some clean underwear.
7 comments:
Hi, this is patty. You know, patty cake. Great post. I love "my car has ants".
Love you!
Not only is Good Mom a nebulous entity unlikely to be found anywhere other than a m-o-v-i-e, but she is sadly overrated. I also struggle with the belief that I want to be her, but through brief and fleeting moments of clarity I have come to realize that Messy Mom who doesn't do laundry, or wash knives, or even, gasp, yells occasionally, but who plays in the sand and rolls in the floor and makes pancakes on a whim at 1130 on a Tuesday morning is much closer to winning the race to teach our children the beauty of life, and imperfection. Truly, if we cannot teach them imperfection- where will they ever see a need for Christ? He must have had a plan when he made all of us shmoes parents.
you have no idea how much this particular post helped me today... I am not a 'religious' person, though I do consider myself 'spiritual' and I feel that you are doing God's work by sharing this day in your life tale with me.
THANK YOU!!!
Great post, Em - I am going to make sure Diane sees it - it would encourage her a lot.
This is lovely and such an encouragement.
Blessings,
Karla
(ps - I had to set a mouse trap in my brand new jetta when our daughter was little. seems the little stinker found a free meal of all of the cheerios in the back seat.
He also liked to poop in the glove compartment...)
It's inspiring how you find strength and hope through your faith.
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