I'm standing at the edge of change here on this Monday morning. And I don't want to jump.
It has been in the works for a while now, these changes. The first was hurried along a few months ago when a new reader commented, asking if I was a scrapper (scrapbooker? scrapbook doer?) too. As you know, I am not. But from the looks of my blog layout, you would think otherwise.
Which is why change is coming. I'm not sure exactly when, as the Weblog Awards have interrupted my anticipated flow of the first change coming to be. (I think voting continues through today.) But don't be alarmed if one day you click to chat at the sky and discover a change. The sky will not have fallen, but the clouds may have cleared a bit. In other words, I'm gettin' a new layout, y'all. Stay tuned.
The second change is a bit more fuzzy. I am beginning to accept the fact that I am a writer. There is nothing more terrifying to discover, it turns out. Except maybe if I woke up with no teeth. That would be more terrifying. Still, I am stuck in a staring match with myself and my future. I'm winning. Fear is the perfect excuse not to act because, you know, I'm afraid.
And so I wait. Not the God kind of waiting where you don't want to wait but you know it is what's best for you and then you end up glad for the interim. Because even though I know the next step, I am instead sitting in the dark corner of comfortable, biting my nails, stuck between ignoring it and embracing it.
I know that is possible to jump in and be free. But I'm not quite there yet. So I wait for a grown up to tell me what to do. For a boss or a teacher or a parent to come, take me by the hand and give me instruction. But I also wait for the truth to feel true and for the fear to subside. I am beginning to think neither one is going to happen.
I suppose I'm just going to have to trust. I knew it would come to this.
Monday, January 12, 2009
new look, old fears
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47 comments:
trust... only five letters, but a word of amazing size. sending warm prayers for your waiting... can hardly wait for what is to come...
This a scary, electric kind of waiting, isn't it? I'm excited to see the changes although I like things the way they are, too.
It really is a scary thing to accept that you are a writer. We've discussed this a few times before. I look forward to seeing where you go--both with the layout change and as a writer.
Oooo. Such exciting changes.
We can't wait to take that ride with you & don't worry - we'll catch you if you fall.
Looking forward to what you may do in 2009...your writing is fun, motivating and makes me chuckle!
-sandy toe
p.s. hope you will come over to my giveaway..would love Chatting at the Sky today!
Ohhh...this is going to be my God watch for you. No, not the blog layout, the other. :) I can't wait to watch and see what God is going to do with an ordinary girl doing extraordinary things for Him. :) (No pressure or anything, my friend!)
Trusting can be a really lonely place to find ourselves sometimes. When we need something and haven't exactly figured it out yet. That has also been part of my year as well and in a similar way: wanting to write, but being afraid that it won't be good enough.
I am excited to see what your blog changes will look like. I have gotten used to the look of this one, though!
Yep, its all about trust - no other way around it, in it, through it.... which means blessings are coming your way! Yippee
Good luck on the awards. Discovered you through there. Hang in there with all your new features, in life and in the bloggy world.
Great design and I'll be back to see the new one too!
I have known in the back of my mind for awhile now that I'm a writer, but I keep ignoring that nagging voice. I don't even know what I would do with it right now anyway. But it's there. Staring at me, like you said. And I agree, it's scary. But it's exciting, too!
God probably has Himself a good laugh over all the things we postpone b/c of our fear. :)
You gotta love that "change" feeling. Looking forward to what's to come!
Wishing you much success but mostly joy in the journey!
I knew it would, too...i have always recognized your gift for writing. Glad He is making the revelation inescapable...this will be good.
Don't be afraid--you can do it! What's the worst that could happen? Youd be famous and have to speak at a blogging convention? You'll make lots of money to buy lots of tassels?
Can't wait to see the new look. Glad you see what we see now and know you're a Writer. Good luck!
Okay, Emily, here ya go. I am a boss (loosely), a teacher and a parent, and I say GO FOR IT! Since I first discovered your blog 6 months ago, I have been held captive. Then, I met you in person and continue to get to know you here at your blog. As I have told you many times, you really do have a way with words that are both profound and deep, yet humourous and (okay, I'll say it again)witty! (I think I need to dust off my thesauraus!)The more I get to know you, the more blessed I am to be your friend.Praying for you! Love you. And, just think....what's the worst thing that happen? Fame, fortune, a book-deal??? :)
When something big and scary is looming in front of me, I tend to turn around and pretend it isn't there. I think of it as a dragon. But it doesn't go away; rather, it gets closer and closer until I can feel its hot breath on my neck.
Finally, I brace myself to turn and face the dragon, and it ALWAYS turns out to be smaller and less scary than I made it out to be in my imagination.
Thanks for your transparency. You will slay this dragon, and you will grow through the process!
oh emily! Thank you for sharing your sweet heart. God, please gently guide Emily into and through the plans you have for her. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Official butt kicker at your service: Just do it!
It's not going to go away. It will linger over you like a dark cloud, follow you everywhere you go, invade every peaceful moment of thought that you have, stalking your every move. Ask me how I know, only mine isn't writing, it's speaking.
Action cures fear. Get out of the boat and walk on the water to your very bright, very beautiful future in writing.
I know exactly what you mean. I have the opportunity to something really big, at least for me, and the means to do it, but I'm scared of actually jumping out there and doing it. Do I really have what it takes? What if people don't respond? What if I fail? Scary place to be in, but maybe I'll have my own staring contest. : )
And an unbelievable writer at that!
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would come his way."
~William Hutchison Murray
I wish you good luck, compelling inspiration, and profound enjoyment in you new endeavors. It's a good feeling to answer a call to something. : )
Good luck, just keep remembering you could have no teeth.
-Jill
Have you looked at the blog that is winning? All I have to say is... how & why?
Just pray and He will lead you in the right direction! You have a wonderful blog! (I voted for you numerous times!)
Hummmm, the thing I have been telling myself lately is that nothing easy is as rewarding as climbing the mountain of change. So wrap a rope around your waist, head on up that mountain. We, your readers are here to catch that rope if you slip or think you just can't do it...you can!
I just started to follow your blog...heck I am new to the whole blog thing all together but I look forward to reading yours. I look forward to your new changes...just remember we will be here with you! I am kinda scared just with starting a new blog...wondering if people will even like it!?!
By the way I have been voting for you everyday since I found out. Good Luck with everything you do.
Love and Prayers,
Ashley Nichole
awesome! good luck with your writing/waiting
New reader here, and I love your writing. Best wishes with all the changes! I will be praying for you and reading to find out what happens next!
For what it's worth, I love your blog. (I have only recently started commenting on my favorite blogs because it feels safer to stay hidden. I totally get the fear thing. Putting yourself out there. Scary!) Anyway, this is about you, not me.
Your writing style, the meaningful content, and the hilarity of your posts pertaining to Polly Pockets--I love it all.
Yes, you are a writer. A fantastic and gifted writer. And I feel like I can relate to every post I've read of yours...which means you resonate with your audience (or at least with this little member.)
Take the leap girl!
You've been a writer as long as I've been reading your blog. I'm glad you finally figured it out. I believe you should do what makes you happy and see where it takes you. Remember Who knows the beginning and the end to the new path you are traveling. I'm sure you'll find Him lifting you up along the way. Can't wait to see the new blog. I must admit I love the one you have (wink wink) but change is good (as evidenced by the fact that I change mine every time the wind blows). Can't wait to see what 2009 has in store for you my friend...
oh girl! whatever it is you're mulling about doing in your head--I hope you do it! I can't seem to find the courage to take the next step in my journey as a writer either, so I keep looking to braver souls than I to do it for me to cheer on instead.
Can't wait to see what's in the works and wishing you all the best with it!!!
i so look forward to reading your blog every day! i love your writing and it somehow always makes me take a breathe and think about my purpose for that day...like today is my last day to vote..he..he. Can't wait to see the changes a comin'.
Emily-
Thank you for your affirmation of my recent revelations of rest & moments. Big truths are dawning...
And what a tease -- you know where to find me! :)
I'm a new reader here (via the awards) and I wanted to tell you I can so relate to the fear that goes with accepting (embracing?) a gift. I've resisted acknowledging myself as a writer for, well, always. At the end of last year, I decided that 2009 would mark the year I surrendered to the label, the year I quit refusing to honor God with the art He inspires me to, and the year I allowed myself to be a steward of all He has blessed me with.
Looking forward to seeing your big changes. The best things in life are the scariest, I think.
(uh-oh! my word verification is "preen." Is Someone trying to tell me something??)
Hooray on the new blog look, that is always exciting!
And more importantly, it is exciting to see how God works in our lives as we discover who He is calling us to be. It is scary, I agree! I often times feel like I am leaping off a cliff with my eyes closed, unsure of where I will land or if I will survive the impact!
Hang tight as God reveals his plans for you, I am sure it will be very exciting!
Blessings,
Melissa
I love watching others on the brink of something new and exciting...it's so awesome to wait and watch to see what God's up to- when it's someone else.
I'm looking forward to seeing what's around the bend for you!
Emily - I can't wait to see what changes lie ahead. I can't wait for the day when I get to say, Yep, I know her - we went to She Speaks together!! If you have any more specific prayer requests my friend, please send them my way.
Emily, I have been out of the blog routine the past couple of months and was catching up today. I love, love, love your words about your fear of writing...or more so your fear of going forward with it.
I am in the same EXACT place!!! In fact I have written about 90% of a book...and then stopped. I think it's fear of taking that next step. It's been a year long battle with myself. I've finally resolved to go forward and if nothing comes of it, then so be it. It's been a comfort to me to know that every author out there had to start somewhere. They all had this same experience.
Thanks for sharing your words and keep us posted.
PS. Can't wait to see what your new blog layout looks like!!!
Hi. This is my first time at your blog. As a "real" writer, one of my passions is encouraging people who want to be "real" writers to go for it. Even after you get a book (or 4) published, it's still a scary, trust-God-every-day kind of thing. But I wouldn't trade it for the universe.
And for what it's worth, I think you have a gift.
Blessings as you follow Him! Bookmarking you now! (under "writing" blogs) :)
I am going through the same thing...like my mom told me..."has anyone ever done it for you?"..."no?"..."well then get out there and get it done".
So I have and things are going great! God works for the GOOD of those who love Him...Not the BAD! So stop being fearful! I've just come from there and it ain't pretty and we're not getting any younger!
I think you're great! I have found that the fear of success can actually be stronger than the fear of failure. Wierd, huh?
I'll miss your old template, but it really is time for spring cleaning, isn't it?
I wait for a grown up to tell me what to do. For a boss or a teacher or a parent to come, take me by the hand and give me instruction. But I also wait for the truth to feel true and for the fear to subside.
I just posted today about how God is giving me back my photography, how He must have reasons of His own for giving us the gifts we so often hold for ourselves.
Don't worry about jumping. He'll carry you forward as you wait on Him. I'm just coming to the other side of the waiting after feeling as though I was going to lose everything that meant anything to me, then emerging into the sunlight of His love and realizing He's held my hand the whole time and He has so much to give back to me.
I'm excited to see where He takes you!
Oh Emily! Thank you so much for your comment back to my blog! I wrote that post this morning and I was getting hit with all kinds of insecurities, putting that out there. Your comment was the most fun comment I've gotten in a long time! Thank you so much for your affirmation, and for being encouraged!
Oh Emily - I am excited for you! You most definately are a writer and you have blessed me!
I think I can relate to what you're saying. As you know, God has been opening up doors for me to speak. And I am feeling more of the burden of this ministry.
The burden that there are so many out there who are hurting or floundering and just need to be challenged, encouraged and inspired. I'm excited that God is willing to use me and I just pray that my life will bring Him glory. SO many who need to hear about Him AND READ about Him!
I love you!
Your blog is so truly beautiful and fascinating! I could look around here all day!
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