Monday, July 28, 2008

things babysitters wish we knew: the introduction

The shock of having twins didn't completely wear off until about 8 months after they were born. Even sometimes today, I look at them and wonder how we did what we did that first year. Because we had 2 babies at once who were born premature, I was nearly always with them and if we absolutely needed a babysitter, we would get Nana or Grandy or another family member.

Inevitably, the twins began to grow and the idea of a teenager staying with them was no longer so daunting. It was time to enter into the world of The Babysitter. It was more uncomfortable than I thought it would be. Not because I didn't trust them. After all, my husband is a youth pastor. I have quality, highly experienced, dependable, loving babysitters at my fingertips.

Then why would I sometimes rather stay home than try to find a sitter? I have recently begun to realize that I have this weird guilty sense about asking a high school student to watch my kids, afraid that they won't say no if they don't want to just because of who I am. Or that they have tons of fun and wonderful things to be doing, and I'm putting them in the position of having to come to my house and play "me" for an evening. Granted, I pay them. But still, the guilt.

Can anyone say co-dependent? I have total issues.

But I decided to do something about it. Maybe for you these things are a non-issue. You need a sitter, you call a sitter, they sit, you pay, end of story. But I have a relationship with these girls beyond just babysitting. They are in our youth group, so I'm genuinely interested in what they are thinking and in making things as non-awkward as possible.

Instead of speculating, I decided to break the ice, to dig a little deeper, to go straight to the source. So I sat down with 3 high school girls last week and asked them what they wish parents knew about babysitting. Two hours and lots of laughs later, I realized that co-dependent highway is a two-way street.

Stay tuned.

40 comments:

KWolfAK said...

I'm visiting from SITS. You have a great looking blog here!

Christi said...

It will be interesting to hear what they had to say. We've never used a sitter; we're fortunate that grandparents live nearby and generally want to keep the boys on the weekend.

Kathi Roach said...

It can't wait to here what they had to say.

Don't feel guilty. How blessed that you know these girls on more than a surface level. You'll be making those relationships even deeper.

Kathi Roach said...

Here---hear.

Oops!

Kim Hancock said...

I've never used a babysitter outside of my husband's mother & a couple of family friends. I'm very interested to hear what the girls have to say!

Trixi said...

Great topic!!! I think this is a real issue with lots of parents. I know I rarely ever left my children with anyone besides my mom or sister. Now, my oldest daughter is 16 and she gets the job!!
Blessings~~

wyndesnow said...

I have the same "guilt"! I feel so guilty asking someone else to watch the kids for me so that I can go to the grocery store by myself or run my errands without the 3 kiddos in tow. I look forward to finding out what they had to say!!

Adelaine said...

Oooo will be very interested in what you have to say. My husband used to be the youth minister at our church and our babysitters came right out of that youth group - specifically a family of 3 sisters. They always said they enjoyed watching our kids - maybe not. I'll stay tuned!

Kimba said...

I am really interested to hear what they said. I have similar co-dependant issues with babysitters. So much so that I rarely use them. I'm a freak.

megs @ whadusay said...

I always feel a little guilt asking teenagers to babysit because as a teenager I hated babysitting, so a part of me assumes they all do and they feel obligated to say yes.

But, I do understand that not everyone was created like me (thankfully), and some people genuinelly like to babysit!

All that to say, I will be waiting with baited breath to here the results of your conversation!

Jen - Balancing Beauty and Bedlam said...

You're too funny about the co-dependent thing. I know that the impact you are having on their life is not just a matter of sitting down and chatting...you're helping create their legacy. How unbelievable is that! I am so fortunate now that my guys have reached babysitting age. Free and that's now one of their niche in helping out the team (our family unit of course:)

Tami said...

I can't wait to read more about this - what a great idea :)

Frizzy said...

Looking forward to their thoughts. We still use grandma and grandpa. We need to branch out. I have numbers I've gathered when we've been out and my dtr has played with a teen and the teen plays right back appearing to have just as much fun. My problem is trusting people I don't know with her. I'm probably too protective.

My First Kitchen said...

Fab. And since I probably know these girls, I can't WAIT to hear what they say.

Carry Grace said...

This is a great topic! We used to be youth pastors before we had a child, so I'm looking forward to this.

kimberly said...

i am so totally interested in what they have to say!!! I have 5 kids, among them, a set of twins. I have a girl that has been babysitting for me for 4 years! She is 18 now and about to go off to college, and I feel like I'm losing a kid!!! so, now, i'm headed back into the world of younger teenage babysitters. I cant wait to read more!!!

Sissy said...

I am so interested to see what they say!

Heathahlee said...

Oh, I can't wait! I have a teenage baby sitter that I think the same things about...like she has so much more fun stuff to be doing besides watching my kiddo. And she is too precious to tell me she doesn't want to babysit. I have been at her house when she's received a call from someone else and she told her mom she really didn't want to sit for them. I asked her if she felt that way when I called and of course she said no and we laughed about it, but I wondered if she really felt that way. I will be happy to read your discoveries!

Caren said...

Sounds like an interesting topic! I have similar feelings about hiring someone to watch my child. We've always had family members watch our guy but things have changed recently and that's no longer possible. I still have yet to hire someone so needless to say, The Husband and I haven't had too many dates. I look forward to hearing what your insiders say!

Laura said...

I have never used anyone except family to watch mine, and the idea of a teenager scares the dickens out of me! I remember though a nice family trusting me enough to watch their little girl every friday night while I was in high school, until of course boys and movie dates came along.. I will be interested to hear what the girls have to say!

Laura :)

Nicol said...

this should be interesting! I run a daycare and there are a bunch of things I wish that parents knew when it comes to leaving their kids all day every day. I look forward to your post!

annieology said...

I have twins and another less than a year older so I know what you mean, I feel guilty asking them to even clean up the dinner mess. I'm looking forward to seeing what they say.

Laurie said...

I am visitng from SITS and I am very excited to see the next blog about this topic. We always have family with our kids because I am afraid to leave my kids with someone else. So this will be great for me.

Anonymous said...

Please hurry! Hurry!! I had my first sitter for my 2y/o last month and I was a nervous wreck and I was LITERALLY three houses away at BUNKO. And did I mention I put baby girl to bed WHILE I was still there so I could show the sitter "how to do it"... sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. What are the rules of engagement -- please help!
-Heather

Cathy said...

I can't wait to hear what they say! I've yet to use one also and I really NEED to!!

Biteofpunkinpie said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!! My husband just stepped down last month as youth minister at our church. Just this past Friday I had to be at work, our daycare was closed b/c our daycare provider was out of town for the weekend, and husband had to be at a golf tournement for the school he is going to teach at in the fall. He arranged for a girl from the youth group to come sit for us, and when she came one of the first things I told her was "if anything comes up that you're not sure about, please give me a call. i would rather you call and ask then not call because you think i'm going to be mad or something." she never called all day. when i got home i discovered my older daughter (who we are potty training) wearing a diaper cover instead of panties. i was super dissapointed.

i'm really looking forward to reading your list!

Wilson Ramblings said...

do tell do tell!!!!!

Kate said...

YOU READ MY MIND, and we don't even know each other.... I thought I was the only one!! I can't wait until the next post.

Denise K. said...

Like your other readers, I too will be anxious to read the "true story" behind what babysitters really think!

We didn't live near our folks when out kids were born, so I have had to use babysitters off and on for the past 12 years of parenthood.

Fortunately, our 12 year old is old enough that he can stay home alone for short periods of time, and can watch over his sister. Of course having grandparents near by would be the perfect scenario.

For those without that luxury, we have to rely on sitters to help out when we need it, and I have found that unless I am VERY specific, I will typically come home somewhat disappointed in the state of the house, if the kids are watching TV when they could be outside actually playing with the sitter, etc...So, I have found that you need to clearly spell out all your expectations...down to the miniscule(sp?) of "please put away the game pieces in the box when you are done playing."

Hmmm...I wonder if sitters find that terribley annoying? :-) Oh well, we moms need to stick together, and I think just like raising children, clear expectations always make things easier!

Can't wait to read your next post!

SMILES!!!
Denise :-)

Angela said...

OMG, I feel the SAME way!!!

I'm glad I'm not crazy. I've recently developed a "friendship" with our 19 year old babysitter. Why? Because it takes away from the "weirdness" of having a stranger in my house while I'm not home, because it makes me hope she will treat my daughter better if somehow she like me better than her other clients, because it makes me feel like I have an "in" to the world of babysitting, because I genuinely like young people and find them interesting to talk to.

But for all those reasons it's probably even more bcs deep down inside I secretly want to be "cool enough" for her to talk to me and well, like me.

Yeah, maybe I'm codependant too.

Oh well, at least I take priority when the busy holiday season comes. Hate me.

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

OOOOooooh! This is fun!

It's $$$ to hire anyone to watch all of ours - we've been so blessed, though. My favorite always brought her own bag of goodies for the kids to play with her - stickers, trucks, you name it. She's off to college far away studying - yep, early childhood. LOVED her.

Another favorite was a highschool football player - my kids LOVED him. His mom gave me back half the $$$ I paid him and told me it was too much (poor kid!). He's off to college, too.

*sigh* Now I just never leave.

Can't wait to hear!

Suz said...

I just found your blog! I totally related to everything you were saying about babysitting. I find myself anxious every time I need to get a babysitter. Not because I don't trust the babysitter but because of all these thoughts about will the babysitter have fun with my kids or what will she think of my kids compared to others. Is that crazy or what!!! So I will be looking forward to your answers from the babysitters.

My Beautiful Mess! said...

I cannot wait to read all about it. Our neighborhood sitter just left for college...wah! I am really interested in what you found out.

Tracy P. said...

That sounds mighty interesting. Glad I stopped by...congrats on being a saucy blog!

Kristen said...

As a grown-up (22 years old) daughter of a former youth pastor, I feel somewhat compelled to weigh in on the subject.Speaking from your girls' POV, Emily, I think using young women from the youth group is such a fun thing! I always thought it was soooo cool to hang out with an older girl from my dad's youth group. And I really looked up to them. Being careful about babysitter selection is important for safety's sake but also because that girl (or guy) is likely to impact your kids if they are around long enough. It'll be interesting to see how I feel about sitters when I have kids of my own...

Melissa said...

du - du - du - DUN!!!! cannot wait!

Miss G said...

what a great idea! looking forward to reading. Kelly

Jennifer P. said...

I have guilt too. And fear. But the little time I get to myself always makes me come back a happy, more focused mama---so I pay well and get the REALLY good sitters. I have actually learned that 13-14 year old boys make AWESOME sitters for my 4 guys. I even found one who CLEANS MY HOUSE! WOW!

Can't wait to hear what you learned!

His Girl said...

BOY DO I KNOW that post-twin haze... it's fun to encourage the zombie-faced new parents of twins now "in about 8 months, this is going to get muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better" I say, then I point to my darling 8 year olds, holding hands, and behaving beautifully as my proof that hope exists... out there!

stefanie said...

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I linked to these babysitting posts with a note on my facebook profile and also on my blog. Thanks so much for writing these!